Vape Sh*t

You have to respect vape smokers. They are some of the most selfless people on earth. Let’s face it, they gave up perfectly satisfying smoking habits for something dodgy, something that’s more like a little flavoured steam iron with a nozzle to suck on.

Vapes are full of formaldehyde, which is what corpses are preserved in. So don’t criticise vape smokers, because they are making a supreme sacrifice in dropping their habit for this. 

Someone left their vape at my place and it lay around for weeks. I couldn’t touch it, knowing that it had been so near someone else’s mouth. Especially someone I didn’t know or couldn’t remember.

Finally, one nondescript night I decided to pack the vape away in a drawer. As I lifted it, by holding it in a tissue between my fingers, it spoke. It told me that it was banana-vanilla flavoured; that it was not just a plain pink but actually it was called steel cerise; that it had traveled halfway round the world between an elderly woman’s lips.

We both couldn’t remember how it had landed up at my place. And that’s kind of where the story ends. Except that the steel cerise vape is still in my drawer.

It has gone from living a glorious life, to being completely abandoned. And it still had some juice left in it.

The moral of the story? Keep an eye on your guests.